“If I am not for myself … ?”
How very different has life been since your husband's stroke, your wife’s breast cancer, your child’s swimming pool accident paralysis?
Instead of being world travels, your trips are to the doctor, the hospital, rehab, Walgreen’s – or, you're homebound taking cane. Even the simplest tasks, such as brushing teeth, require your help.
Take some comfort - you're no{alone. The Mayo Clinic Health Letter reports that as the population ages millions of Americans find themselves in the role of caregiver. It's an enormous responsibility which may consume most, if not all, of your energy. Although the care of someone else may be uppermost in your mind, it's equally important - if not more important - that you care for yourself.
A very wise man once asked: “If I am not for myself, who will be for me; if I am only for myself, what am I; and if not now, when?”
If you’re not whole, if you’re not together, as the vernacular goes, how do you help others? The care of family members who are ill or disabled is, for the most part, unpaid and done by either adult children caring for an ailing parent, or older adults caring for a spouse.
Such care is imperative at times, but it can extract its toll. The Mayo letter cites a study of older caregivers looking after their spouses. Those reporting mental or emotional strain due to care-giving duties were more likely to die during the four-year study than were older adults who weren't in a care-giving role during that period.
Being a caregiver can be very isolating, especially if you believe you're the only person who can provide the care. It's essential to recognize that others can help; if they’re willing to help, say “yes”! Even if you feel awkward or guilty, seek assistance from your family, friends, members of your church or faith community.
Any self-care measures you can incorporate will be helpful. Also, maintain a well-balanced diet, try to get adequate sleep. If your nights are disrupted by care-giving, nap during the day. On occasion, find someone
to stay the night so you can get a good night's sleep in a hotel or at a friend's house. Regular physical activity is important:, go for a daily walk, consider taking a regular exercise class, don’t neglect your own medical needs, and find time once a week for something you enjoy.
If you can, arrange for another family member to take over so you can leave town for a weekend. Ifs important to maintain social contacts to provides an outlet to express frustrations as well as accomplishments. Try to connect with people outside your role to talk about anything but care-giving.
Take advantage of community services: hospital social workers, organizations such as the American Cancer Society, hospice or respite programs, an area agency on aging, or elder care and home aids in your community. For an area agency on aging, contact Eldercare Locator at 8OO-677-1116, or visit wwwoldercame.gov.
More information is available from: National Alliance for Care-giving, 301-718-8444, or www.caregiving.org; Thou Sha!t Honor Foundation; 2O2-393-3545, or 310-20Z-3370, or www.atsh.org.
Caregivers face higher risks of depression, fatigue, and physical illness, Mayo reports. Watch for signals which indicate you may need help. These include: losing patience easily or getting angry with the person for whom you're caring; finding no joy in any aspect of life and finding it difficult to sleep; caring for your loved one 24/7; feeling despair, anguish, or depression; having thoughts of suicide; experiencing appetite changes and reduced energy levels; alcohol and/or drug abuse, or frequent crying.
If you experience any of the aforementioned symptoms, see your doctor. Remember: “If I am not for myself…?”