Where are the boundaries on stupidity?
By Herb Drill
Not to be outshone by the Academy Awards in Hollywood, the Golden Globes, People’s Choice Awards, ad nauseum, my friend and retired Philadelphia science teacher Mel Flitter always fills me in on the annual Stella Liebeck Awards.
You don’t remember Stella? The Stella Awards were inspired by Stella Liebeck. In 1992, Stella, then 79, spilled a cup of McDonald's coffee onto her lap, burning herself. A New Mexico jury awarded her $2.9 million in damages, but that's not the whole story. "Stella Award" has been applied to any wild, outrageous, or ridiculous lawsuits - including bogus cases!
Mel says that since the Super Bowl is over and Jason Timberlake’s hands aren ’t on Janet Jackson's chest at halftime, it's time to review the winners of the annual Stella awards. Unfortunately, the most recent lawsuit implicating McDonald’s, the teens who allege eating at McDonalds has made them fat, was filed after the 2002 award voting was closed.
So, who forced a Big Mac, jumbo fries, and milkshake down their throats?
There’s a fifth place tie between Kathleen Robertson, of Austin, TX, who was awarded $780,000 by a jury of her peers after breaking her ankle tripping over a toddler who was running inside a furniture store. The owners of the store were surprised at the verdict. Understandably so because the misbehaving toddler was Ms. Robertson's son. Sharing fifth place was 19-year-old Carl Truman, of Los Angeles. He won $74,000 and medical expenses when his neighbor ran over his hand with a Honda Accord. Apparently, Mr.
Truman didn’t notice there was someone at the wheel of the car when he was trying to steal the hubcaps.
Naughty, naughty, try buying them.
Also in fifth place was Terrence Dickson, of Bristol, PA. By way of the garage door, he was leaving a house he had just robbed. He wasn’t able to get the garage door to go up since the automatic door opener malfunctioned.
He couldn’t reenter the house because the door connecting the house and garage locked when he pulled it shut. The family was on vacation, and Mr.
Dickson found himself locked in the garage for eight days. He subsisted on a case of Pepsi he found and a large bag of dry dog food. He sued the homeowner's insurance and claimed the situation caused him undue mental anguish.
The jury agreed to the tune of $500,000.
As if being in Bristol wasn’t anguish enough.
Fourth place went to Jerry Williams, of Little Rock, AK, who received $14,500 and medical expenses after being bitten on the buttocks by his next door neighbor's Beagle dog. The Beagle was on a chain in its owner's fenced yard. The award was less than sought because the jury felt the dog might have been a little provoked at the time, as Mr. Williams, who had climbed over the fence into the yard, was shooting it repeatedly with a pellet gun.
In third place, was a Philadelphia restaurant, which was ordered to pay Amber Carson, of Lancaster, PA, $113,500 after she slipped on a soft drink and broke her tailbone. The beverage was on the floor because Ms.
Carson had thrown it at her boyfriend 30 seconds earlier during an argument.
Has anyone seen Jennifer Lopez and Ben Affleck recently?
Second place goes to Kara Walton, of Claymont, DE. She sued
the owner of a nightclub in a neighboring city when she fell from the bathroom window to the floor and knocked out two of her front teeth. At the time, Ms. Walton was trying to crawl in through the window of the ladies room to avoid paying the $3.50 cover charge. She was awarded $12,000 and dental expenses.
She can use some of the money to pay for a Maryland bridge.
Lo and behold, in first place as this year's runaway winner was Merv Grazinski, of Oklahoma City, OK. Mr. Grazinski bought a new Winnebago. On his trip home from an Oklahoma University football game, drove onto a freeway, set the cruise control at 70 mph, and calmly left the driver’s seat to go into the back and make himself a cup of coffee. Not surprisingly, the RV left the freeway, crashed, and overturned.
Mr..Grazinski sued Winnebago for not advising him in the owner's manual that he couldn’t actually do this. The jury awarded him $1,750,000 - plus a new Winnebago motor home. The company actually changed their manuals on the basis of this suit - just in case there were any other complete morons buying their recreation vehicles.
And it’s referred to as a “jury of your PEERS”?