YOU don’t wear these “skirts”
By Herb Drill
It’s got to be a “Yankee” thing!
My Lions Club friend Bill Cooper and I like to discuss things which come naturally to us Southern folk in Jacksonville, FL and differences with people “up North.” Over a couple of sandwiches and brews at P3’s Café on Hartley Road, Bill (president of the Orange Park Lions Club) and I (a member of Jacksonville Bold City Lions, who meet at P3’s) recalled “fender skirts.”
What a great blast from the past! I hadn't thought about fender skirts since I sold the first new car I had them on, a Ford with a stick-shift V-8. Boy, did I wind that out to impress a certain 18-yea-old blonde. Boy, that was a mondo mistake. Anyway, as a kid in Pennsylvania I saw teenagers adorn their souped-up cars with these rear wheel well covers and considered it funny; it made me think of a car in a dress. That was until I bought the Ford – and fender skirts at a Pep Boys auto parts store. The other day, I called Steve at the NAPA (Genuine Auto Parts) store on San Jose Blvd. near Greenland Road. He didn’t laugh when I asked if he carried “skirts.” He was very polite; a true Southerner. “No, sir, we don’t’ carry them,” he said. You have to go to a dealer or custom parts shop.” I wonder if Coggin has them for our Nissan Quest minivan.
Thinking about fender skirts started me thinking about other words and business terms which have disappeared with Janet Jackson’s post-Super Bowl career. Let’s see, there are "curb feelers" and "steering knobs." Those under 40 will probably have to find some elderly person over 50 to explain some of these terms. Remember "Continental kits”? Go to your local Lincoln/Mercury dealer and try that one on the parts manager. They were rear bumper extenders/spare tire holders supposed to make any car as cool as a Lincoln Continental. Also, when did we quit calling them "emergency brakes”? At some point "parking brake" became the proper term. On our car, you don’t even use your hand. You step on the petal to engage it and press again to disengage it. Where’s the drama in that?
The next time you drive over – you can’t walk there – to Publix or Winn-Dixie, mull over "store-bought." Of course, just about everything is store-bought now; time was you bragged to have a store-bought suit or dress. Then, there’s "coast-to-coast." Those who have left JIA on a five-hour back-breaker recall that phrase with chills. Now, it has lost its allure.
On a lesser note, "wall-to-wall" was once a big deal. People covered their hardwood floors with, WOW!, wall-to-wall carpeting. Today, my wife longs to replaces our wall-to-wall carpeting with - guess what! - hardwood floors.
Just for the record, you can “dis” your buddy who promised you Daytona 500 tickets and disappeared but can’t refer to him as a "rat fink." With today’s TV commercials so fast and oh-so-creative you miss the message and dismiss the product, I sort of miss marketing terms meant to sound so clever and now seem retro: "DynaFlow," and "SpectraVision!" Now, we’re inundated with ads by lawyers looking for those poor people “injured” and needing “Jacksonville lawyers for the people of Jacksonville.” Who else should they represent – the people of Peoria? Some words aren't gone, but are definitely on the endangered list. For example, when was the last time the head(s) of the household went food shopping and everyone sat down to enjoy the same meal at the same time? I’m talking about the word "supper." Think of a great word. Invite someone to supper - and discuss fender skirts.