How e-commerce all began, hoo-hah
By Herb Drill
Over the holidays, Barb and I had the good fortune to visit Sarasota, FL and see my old Hong Kong friend, Kak Eem Uhn. Today, he owns a fashionable women’s wear shop on luxurious Siesta Key, over the Ringling Causeway from center-city Sarasota. The shop is called “Freshest Produce.” Kak has always been hands-on.
Anyway, while enjoying low-sugar ice cream and watching a tame parrot, we discussed life in sunny Florida, Chinese wisdom, and Jewish history. Kak traces his lineage back to the fabled Jews of Kaifeng. I trace his forefathers back to a restaurant in Brooklyn, but that’s another story.
According to the Web site, archeological evidence points to a Jewish presence in China back in the 8th century, when Jewish merchants traveled the Silk Road from Persia and India. Many travelers, including Marco Polo in the 13th century, reported meeting Jews and enjoying chicken soup – with matzoh balls, not won-tons. During the Ming Dynasty (1368-1644), a Ming emperor conferred seven surnames on the Jews, which still identify them today: Ai, Lao, Jin, Li, Shi, Zhang, and Zhao. Shi and Jin are the equivalent of common Jewish names in the west: Stone and Gold.
Kak likes stones and gold but prefers computers, and he told me how the PC and e-commerce actually came to pass.
He said that in ancient Israel, a merchant named Abraham Com took himself a young wife by the name of Dot. Dot Com was pretty, broad of shoulder and long of leg. She had been known as Amazon Dot Com. After the nuptials and the breaking of the glass – not on the monitor, she said unto Abraham, "Hey, baby, why doth thou travel from town to town with thy goods when thou can trade without leaving thy tent?"
Dumb like all husbands, Abraham gave her a confused look, fumbled with the “zapper,” thought she was several saddle bags short of a camel load, but said simply, "How, now, mad cow? – I mean dear." Dot replied, "I will place drums in the towns and drums in-between to send messages saying what you’re hawking and they will tell you which hath the best price. The sale can be made on the drums and delivery made by Uriah's Pony Stable – he calls it UPS."
Abraham didn’t dig it and had to think long before he decided she was too cute to send into the desert, so he let Dot have her way with the drums.
Kak took another lick at his blueberry ice cream, which added to Ben & Jerry’s riches, and continued his tale.
It seems the drums had Gene Krupa’s hands on them and were an immediate success. Abraham sold all the goods he had at the top price without moving from his tent – and the buyers paid retail. Success aroused envy, and a guy named Moishe Pipuk hid himself in Abraham's drum and was accused of insider trading. The young man took Dot Com's trading and before long, there were many others - called Nomadic Eclectic Rich Domineering Sidekicks, or NERDS for short.
And lo, the land was high on joy over the new riches. The deafening sound of drums beat out the sound of the real riches going to the kid who was the drum maker, a local religious zealot known as Brother Willy of Gates. He bought every drum company in the land, and the plan for making the skins, and insisted on making drums which worked only with his drumheads and drumsticks.
Dot did say, "Oh, Abraham, what we started is owned now by others." Abraham looked out over the Bay of Ezekiel - which came to be known as "E Bay" – and said, "We need a name that reflects what we are." Dot replied, "Young Ambitious Hebrew Owner Operators." That acronym is YAHOO, said Abraham.
“That’s how it all began, It wasn't Al Gore after all,” were the words of Kak Eem Uhn.
Jacksonville, Fla. resident Herb Drill edits www.notaccessible.com and is a charter member of the now international Society of American Business Editors and Writers. His e-mail address is herbdrill@notaccessible.com, or herbertdrill@cs.com.